Count your blessings and make your blessings count

Fr. Ricopar Royan

The ‘Thank you dance’

A boat of whale-watchers was on a trip in the coast of California. They noticed a small Humpback whale, trapped. It’s tail and flippers were entangled with fishing nets. Michael Fishbach and his team, who were on the boat thought that the humpback was already dead as it was floating on top of the water. But the large sea animal let out a loud breath through its blow hole. Michael jumped into the water to see what’s happening. He said, “As I swam alongside the animal our eyes met. There were no words we could share but I wanted to let the whale know that we were there to help. It took some effort to stay focused given the great emotion of the moment.” Michael was a bit scared because the animal could still kill him with one stroke out of panic. He got back to the boat and the team of whale watchers managed to free the whale after almost an hour of cutting the nets with knives. Then happened the drama of joy and freedom. For the next one hour the whole team watched the whale jump above the sea over 40 times and then dive down waving its tail above the water. The team who was proud to save a young whale, also believed that the whale’s performance was at least a show of pure joy, if not thanks. They named the little whale, Valentina. Among the whale watchers in the boat was a small girl and her mother. The girl was saying, “I know what she (whale) is doing. She is showing us that she is free”. Her mother replied, “I think she is showing us a thank you dance.”

Among those lives in the sea, whales are the ‘brainiacs’ (also dolphins). They share some similarities with our human culture and emotions. Being thankful is one of the best expressions we can witness in the human and animal world. We experience and admire the same with our pets.

Every language in the world has a way of saying “thank you.” Gratitude is an inherent quality that resides within each human being, and is expressed spontaneously in a variety of contexts. The International Encyclopaedia of Ethics defines gratitude as “the heart’s internal indicator on which the tally of gifts outweighs exchanges.” It is the acknowledgment of the positive things that come our way that we did not actively work toward or ask for. It is a free gift. The Latin root of the word gratitude is grata or gratia, which means ‘a given gift.’

Gratitude, as a Perspective

Gratitude is a feeling that spontaneously emerges from within. At the same, it is not just an emotion, but a choice. It is an attitude or disposition. Brother David Steindl-Rast of Network of Grateful Living, rightly puts, “Gratefulness is the inner gesture of giving meaning to our life by receiving life as a gift.”

M. J. Ryan’s classic book, ‘Attitudes of Gratitude’, supports the idea that gratitude is a stance we voluntarily take, and one we can adopt through the difficult seasons of life as well as the good ones. The daily practice of gratitude keeps the heart open regardless of what comes our way.

Gratitude feeds a healthy perspective. In turn, a healthy perspective allows you to see the world with a greater sense of gratitude. You can look into the world with grateful eyes. This perspective helps you to understand, that even though life is filled with suffering, it is also filled with many wonders, like the blue sky, the sunshine, the eyes of a baby or a humpback whale. To suffer is not enough. We must also be in touch with the wonders of life. They are within us and all around us, everywhere, any time. Author William Arthur Ward, once wrote, “Gratitude can transform common days into Thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.”  In other words, gratitude is really just a shift in our perspective.

Gratitude and Joy

The fondest outcome of this perspective is that we stay joyful. Podcaster and author Brene Brown, after interviewing 11,000 persons, concludes in her book ‘The Gifts of Imperfection,’ “I did not interview one person who had described themselves as joyful, who also did not actively practice gratitude.” Three major findings she shares: first, they attributed their joyfulness to their practice of gratitude; second, both joy and gratitude were described as spiritual practices that believed in human interconnectedness and a power greater than us; third, described joy as a spiritual way of engaging with the world that’s connected to practicing gratitude. Joy is a spontaneous consequence of a grateful heart.

Another psychologist, Sonya Lyubomirsky, who studied the causes of happiness, found that the intentional activities we participate in to improve our own wellbeing — such as practicing gratitude — account for nearly 40% of our happiness. These studies have shown that practicing gratitude has mental, physical and social benefits. Increased gratitude brings in life-satisfaction, joy and positive mood.

Practice Gratitude

We develop gratitude only by practice. We affirm an ‘attitude of gratitude.’ Attitude is an orientation or a way of thinking. This attitude has to be translated into behaviour and habit.  Writer Alexis de Tocqueville describes gratitude as ‘a habit of the heart.’

At the end of the day when you sit and think about the day, you get a long list of worries first. You need to ask yourself what you are grateful for. This simple practice allows you to refocus your lens on what went right. You already know what went wrong, but if you don’t stop and ask yourself what went right, then you often miss it. 

Even on our worst days, like when we might wake up to a troubling health diagnosis, there's an inherent gratitude in being alive. We're here, breathing and capable of facing these challenges head-on, surrounded by people we love. This realization isn't just comforting, it's empowering.

So, find time and write gratitude journal every day. Just five minutes a day. Write about three good things that happened each day. Even on the crappiest days there is almost always one or two good things to hold onto. Sometimes shining a light on these, can give you the strength to keep on going. 

There are other ways to practice: doing daily gratitude meditations or prayers, creating gratitude art, or even stopping during their stressful and busy days to actually say to yourself: ‘I am grateful for ….’ When you wholeheartedly talk about gratitude, there are a whole bunch of verbs that flow.

Brother David Steindl-Rast, shares about his practice, “Before I turn off the light in the evening. I jot down in my pocket calendar one thing for which I have never before been grateful. I have done this for years. And this supply still seems inexhaustible.”

This expression of gratitude continues to be the glue that consistently holds society and relationships together and its opposite, ingratitude, contributes to societal dissolution and separation. The expression of gratitude is essential to humankind’s sustainability and survival. Gratitude’s stabilizing and healing effects, which have been researched from multiple standpoints — cultural, psychological, physical, spiritual, even financial — have made it abundantly clear that the benefits of living a grateful life are irrefutable. The joyful Valentina and the bunch of whale-watchers are just one example.

Fr. Ricopar Royan, a Salesian of Don Bosco, is presently the Rector of Don Bosco Care Home, Salem and South Asia Coordinator of Don Bosco Green Alliance. He has authored a book on eco-spirituality: "Twelve Baskets Full: Walking Green with Jesus’ Gaze."